Rumi's Birth Story

Birth stories start long before the day of the actual birth. They start with our self worth, identities and stories, and previous birth experiences. I knew when I got pregnant that I wanted to try a home birth this time but I also knew there would be some inner work to be done and lots of processing fear and anxiety from my first birthing experience as well as Lennon’s time in the PICU at 17 days old.

When I was selecting my birth team the process was like unloading all the trauma again as I felt I needed to explain my postpartum anxiety and how deeply the experience of my baby being sick affected me. I won’t go into all the details but I want to emphasize something I realized along the way- that even if I didn’t end with the home birth I longed for, the entire prenatal process and experience is so different. I feel that my midwife (Aleks Evanguelidi) was the perfect person to help me face fears in a loving way, and prepare my body and mind for the birth and what would happen postpartum. The appointments are longer and were therapeutic for me, I had nutritional support and recommendations for easier recovery and space to cry or whatever else I needed. 

Half of my pregnancy I also didn’t know if a home birth would be possible. I had a low lying placenta at my 20 week ultrasound. There is risk of bleeding with how close it was to my cervix so the doctor recommended I keep coming in to see if my placenta would grow away from my cervix. I tried medical hypnotherapy and listened to recordings every night visualizing my placenta moving up. At my 30 week ultrasound my placenta had not moved enough-only 1/2 a cm. I was very disappointed and felt like my efforts were wasted. This was such a lesson in patience and trust for me. I wanted so badly to control every aspect of this birth and the health of my baby. But as yoga has taught me-you cannot control-you can make choices and then you have to surrender. So I changed my approach. I turned to the types of meditation and manifestation that I already knew. I focused on gratitude and thanking my body. I talked to my baby every day and asked my body to help me. I stuck with my plan and accepted that it might lead to a different outcome. At my 37 week ultrasound-my placenta had moved “far away” according to the doctor-the exact words I had been using in my hypnosis (guided by Luree). I was cleared for home birth. 

Now the actual birth day! There really wasn’t much action when I arrived at my due date August 25th. On the 26th in the evening I noticed I had lost my mucus plug or at least part of it. I also had cramping sensations and while I was sleeping began to feel contractions. I would half wake up and take a few deep breaths. It was very mild. The next day I felt pretty normal again but tried to get some things done and make sure the house was clean and ready. Then that night I noticed more mucus and a bit of blood. The contractions started again lightly around 10pm and I told Myles to start tracking them to see where we were at. I texted Aleks and Romy to let them know what was going on and that I would try to rest and sleep. At about 11pm I started tracking my own contractions and seeing if I could sleep through them. It quickly became apparent that I could not sleep through them as they began to get more intense and spaced around 7 minutes apart. I was also so excited. I was induced with Lennon so I had not yet experienced spontaneous labor or laboring at home before. 

At some point Lennon woke up and I brought her in to our bed to sleep with Myles and I. I was having to make low deep noises to get through the waves at this point so I went into the living room and left them to sleep. I called my doula Romy and she talked to me for about an hour on the phone, listening to my contractions and suggesting certain positions. She thought we had a little time still so I told her I’d call back in a few hours when I was ready for her to come over. By this time it was about 4am and I texted my sister to call me when she woke up. She intuitively was awake and we made a plan for her to pick up Lennon for a sleepover with her cousins. I spent the next couple hours riding the waves in the dark, breathing and moving. My favorite position was on my knees hanging over the birthing ball rocking back and forth and side to side. 

When the sun started to come up, I went in to wake up Myles and told him Lenny would be picked up in 15 minutes and that the baby was coming today. He shot up and said “I’ll make coffee!”. Lennon was very excited to go see her cousins. I had a moment with her before she left and explained that my belly would be gone and her baby sister would be here when she got home. I could tell she sensed everything I was feeling in that moment. We hugged for a long time and then she said “Mama, get the belly gone!” When she left it felt like go time. We called Aleks to tell her where we were at and both her and Romy got ready to come over. Myles was doing all the things-setting up the birth supplies, blowing up the birthing tub, making food and playing DJ. I just stayed my course and rotated positions breathing and moaning through the pain that was building and intensifying with every contraction. I decided to take a hot shower to ease some pain in my lower back. The water provided a lot of relief although  standing was not easy. At Romy’s suggestion I welcomed each wave knowing it was getting me closer to meeting my baby girl. 

When Aleks arrived, I was bouncing on the birthing ball and she came over to me and I just started silently crying. I felt like we had been through a lot to get to this place and this tender moment I will never forget. Romy arrived soon after. Her and Myles worked together to help relieve some of my pain with counter pressure on my hips, holding my belly up with a rebozo, and rubbing my shoulders and neck. I felt very supported and loved. Many times the thought “You will never have to do this again” came into my mind. 

After some time, which was moving both slowly and quickly I decided to get into the birthing tub. I wasn’t sure if it was too early because that’s where I wanted to give birth but it felt like the right move. Or at least A move-I needed a change. Myles got in as well and sat behind me. He breathed with me, put his hands on my chest to help ground me and provided words of comfort and encouragement when I needed. They offered me some suggestions to change positions in the tub but I did not want to move. I would grip Myles’ knees during contractions and mostly kept my eyes closed. I had to dig deep to get through the pain. 

Then things started to get even more real. I had hot flashes between contractions. Romy brought ice over and put cold washcloths on my forehead. Then I had the urge to vomit and was dry heaving after contractions. I knew I was in transition. I had not had any cervical exams at all during the labor. Voices from Lennon’s birth echoed in my head…”Don’t push, you’ll tear your cervix”. I knew that sensation to push was coming and I started to slip into fear and uncertainty. I needed help. Aleks told me I was made to do this. She asked “what would you do if I weren’t here?” I answered “I would call you!” Lol. But I knew what she was getting at…all the answers were inside me if I listened to my body. The urge to push came and with each contractions I pushed the baby down. On one of the first pushes- I felt a little balloon come out and pop into the water. My water had broken. It was clear with almost a white powder like substance-Aleks identified this as vernix. With every push I could feel her moving downward ready to enter our world. 

Then the pushing urge was changing slightly. My contractions were a little less intense. It was as if my body was resting before the last leg of this marathon. Aleks suggested I make less noise on these and channel all of my energy downward. She also told me to reach down and touch the baby’s head to help guide her out. Since Myles was still behind me she told me I would catch the baby myself. I was ready- my body had done this before. When the contractions picked back up I pushed and felt her head start to come out. I paused and was in so much pain. I thought I was being ripped in half. The next contraction wasn’t powerful enough but I needed this baby out right away. The next one I felt the urge strong and pushed about 3 or 4 times in a row. I felt her head come out- I screamed “I can’t do it, help!” then her shoulders and then her whole body slid out and I grabbed her and pulled her up into my chest. She was here. Covered in vernix, crying on and off and wiggling on my body. I was so in love and so in awe. And sooooo happy it was over. 

Myles and I held her together and welcomed her into our world. 

Rumi June Lavallee

8/28/24 at 11:53am

8lbs 7oz

21.5 inches long 

Aleks helped me birth the placenta and she put it into a bowl and it floated in the pool while we continued to be with our baby. Eventually they helped me out and to our bedroom. Myles stayed with the baby. When they helped him out he cleaned up and I took the baby to try to nurse. One of the best parts was that we were now just at home.  I was in my bed with my baby. Romy and Aleks went on a walk and found flowers from our neighborhood and made a beautiful  display around the baby still attached to the placenta. They weighed her and measured her and eventually Myles cut the cord with his grandfathers pocket knife. There was no rush- everyone cleaned up but also allowed time to move slowly. I felt euphoric with this perfect girl in my arms. Our family felt complete. 

I could not be happier with this experience- the team, the love and support of my husband and family and I couldn’t be more grateful for my healthy sweet little girl. No doubt giving birth is challenging and tests your limits. It’s the most profound transformation I’ve experienced and the most empowering thing I’ve ever done. 

Thank you thank you thank you 

Lennon's Birth Story

Starting to process the birth…

During the beginning of my pregnancy I wasn’t really attached to how the birth happened, as long as my baby was healthy. I was actually pretty terrified of the experience. And the whole first trimester I couldn’t really dive into any of the education or books since I felt so sick. But once I did I became pretty fascinated by it all. My two favorite books were Transformed by Birth and Ina May’s Guide to Birth. The stories of natural unmedicated births opened by eyes to how powerful birth can be and how incredible a woman’s body is. I knew it was going to be a transformational experience and I realized I did have choice in how in went down. I had the power to educate myself, make certain decisions to prepare and train my body and mind for the birth. I had choices but ultimately had to surrender to my body and the universe. 

So as the birth approached I felt strong, although a bit scared. But fear didn’t match up to the love and determination I had to have my baby in my arms. When week 40 came my midwives at UCLA started to prepare me for the idea of induction. Something I did not want. I was trying to go as natural as possible. I started to try all the natural things- tea, walking, acupuncture etc but 41 weeks came and I felt pretty much normal. I was having very subtle contractions but I wasn’t even sure that’s what they were at the time. This was when they were starting to push for induction. I agreed to go in for a non stress test and considered doing a cervical exam and possibly sweep the membrane to get things going. 

I went in Thursday at 2 pm for the test expecting everything to be fine and to go home. As they monitored the baby they noticed I had two larger contractions. After each surge, her heart rate dipped and took awhile to raise back up again. This was a sign that she may not handle contractions well and they wanted to keep me for more monitoring. I was sent up to labor and delivery to speak with a doctor and monitor for another hour. I didn’t have anymore big contractions so it was hard to conclude if this was a full on pattern or not. The doctor strongly suggested I stay at the hospital for induction. I was upset and disappointed but at that point I couldn’t go home without worrying about the baby. I had them check my cervix which was completely closed so sweeping the membranes was not an option, plus they said that would take too long and we needed to get the ball rolling. I considered all the options and agreed to an oral cervical ripening medication. It was a lower dose that could be administered up to 6 times so it would give me the chance to check my progress before taking more. Myles went home to get all of our things.

While he was gone they kept checking on me and the nurses tried to be friendly but all I could do was sit and silently cry. This was not how I had envisioned the birth starting and I felt like I was letting my body down by not believing in it. I let myself feel this but knew I needed to let go and be confident I was making the best decision I could in that moment for my baby. I waited until Myles got back to take any medication. When he did get back not only did he bring what I had packed but he added singing bowls, crystals and other items to set the mood. It was as if he knew we would be there for awhile. He set everything up, including an altar in front of me with LED candles, crystals and pictures from the baby’s ultrasounds. I took the first dose of the medication and went to sleep. After 4 hours the nurses came in to monitor the baby again and give me a second dose. I slept another 4 hours with contractions coming and going and increasing in intensity. 

In the morning, they saw my contractions were getting closer together and said we could wait on another dose. The doctor checked my cervix (which was very posterior making it hard and uncomfortable for me- I had to sit on my fists in a butterfly shape for them to get up there). I was open about 1 cm so they said I could try the balloon catheter if I wanted. They knew I wanted the least amount of medication. This was a balloon that was inserted past the cervix and filled with saline, to create pressure and encourage the cervix to open further. Once you got to 3-4 cm it would fall out. If it didn’t fall out they would remove it after 12 hours. They offered me Fentanyl for the insertion because apparently it was painful but I said no to that. I went inward and started meditating as best I could during the process. Myles held my hand. They had a hard time getting it in there. It felt like she was digging around forever! She almost called the other doctor to come in to try. I did not want her to take her hand out because then we would have to start the pain all over again. At the last second she got it in thank god! They filled the balloon which created a pressure and a cramping sensation in my uterus. It was so uncomfortable and limited my movement and positions. It felt horrible to lean forward or place any pressure near my pelvis- so I was limited to leaning against the bed or laying down. The contractions felt double intense with that extra pressure and my lower back was killing me. Myles was there with me making sounds with me, rubbing my back, bringing me water and anything else I needed. 

The other bad news was they wanted me on continuous monitoring. The baby was doing ok but the dips happened a few more times and they decided they wanted to see her heart rate at all times. The balloon went in at about 11 am on Friday so we were now waiting for it to fall out or on a 12 hour countdown. I braced the side of the bed during contractions to take weight off my lower body or stood up and leaned against a cabinet and swayed side to side, bearing down during the contractions. Those were the only two positions I could do. I tried not to pay attention to the time and luckily the clock in our room was broken so I couldn’t see the time passing. Every once in awhile I would check my phone or ask Myles. I remember getting to the 6 hour mark and wondering how I would get through another 6 hours if this thing didn’t fall out. Sometimes the nurse would come in and tug on the balloon a bit to see if that would help stimulate anything. The end of the balloon was taped to my leg to create that bit of extra pressure. I expressed that this was uncomfortable and one of the nurses said “Ya sorry I know the balloon is RUDE.” It made me laugh. At one point I remember kind of falling asleep between contractions for a minute or two when I was laying down. Myles said it was weird to watch because I would bear down on the bed and make my low earthy noises, then collapse into what looked like a 2 minute nap. 

Sure enough the balloon never fell out and we reached the 12 hour mark. The nurses deflated the balloon and took it out. That was a huge relief on my cervix. They said I was at 3.5 cm and 80% effaced at that point so I was progressing. That’s was about 11 pm on Friday night. They said the next step was Pitocin. I didn’t want another intervention and knew that would ramp everything up and possibly lead to an epidural. I asked if I could try to go without it and see if my body took over. I was having regular contractions and hoped they would continue to get closer together and intensify naturally. They said I could try. So over night I told Myles to sleep and that I would continue to labor and move as much as I could. Without the balloon inside I was able to be much more active. I got on the birthing ball, tried squatting, Childs pose and all the other labor positions I learned. I was on my feet a lot and swayed my hips to try and encourage the baby down. By the morning my labor had definitely slowed down. This is not what we wanted to see and it seemed like I would have to do the Pitocin if I wanted this birth to happen. I had been saving my shower for a moment I really needed it and this seemed like the perfect time. I had to keep the monitors on which was annoying. Myles got in with me and ran the shower head up and down my back while I held onto a chair. The second the hot water hit my back, the pain literally dissolved and I felt so much relief. I never wanted to get out. The contractions were less intense and it felt good to wash off the sweat and tears from the last 24 hours. I spent about 20 minutes in there and mentally prepared for what was about to happen. 

I completely lost track of time at this point and the timeline feels like a blur from this point on. But I’m guessing it was maybe 10 am on Saturday when I was given Pitocin through an IV. Now I had the IV and the monitors attached. Within what felt like no time at all my contractions picked up and felt stronger than ever. It’s such a hard sensation to describe but mine were very low in my uterus and felt like an insane cramp. One friend of mine described Pitocin contractions like a mediaeval torture device inside your body. I agree. My low sounds turned more to screams and I had to work hard to drop my energy down instead of tensing my entire body. I was starting to wonder if I could do this for much longer. I started to question everything…I didn’t think I could have this baby. Romy, our doula was coming but wouldn’t be there for awhile. I started to consider the epidural because I truly couldn’t imagine being in this type of pain for several more hours. 

I asked the nurse if we could check my progress and she said to let her know when I felt a pressure on my rectum. Shortly after I told her I felt that pressure and she checked and I was up to 6/7 cm. And this is where time really blurs. The pain got so intense I started to feel nauseous. After each contraction I began to dry heave and break out in cold sweat. I was in transition. I doubted everything and felt like I couldn’t go on. I then got these huge surges of downward energy as of the baby was moving down, which gave me the urge to push. I told the nurse I needed to push and she told me not to. She said that I needed to resist that urge because my cervix wasn’t ready and I risked tearing it. My moans turned into loud high pitched screams as I tried to resist this urge. Everything in my body was telling me to push and to get this baby out. To go against this need was pain I cannot begin to describe. 

So, I told Myles I needed the epidural. I was trying to think if I could even stay still to place it and the thought of the needle in my back terrified me. They called the anesthesiologist down and he told me they would first need to run blood work again because my platelets were low when I had arrived at the hospital. Which I didn’t even know. That would take 30 minutes. My doula Romy was on the way and Myles called her to tell her I couldn’t continue and to see where she was. She told him to try and hold off until she arrived in about 20 minutes. I was struggling with this decision because I had worked so hard for almost 2 days and the epidural was not a part of my plan, and seemed like everything I had just been through would have been wasted. I cried to Myles that I was a failure. (Side note- I do not think getting an epidural is a failure, it just felt very big to me in that moment and was something in my plan that I really had hoped to stick to). He assured me I was no less of a person if I needed the pain medication. But we still had to wait for my bloodwork to get back.

When Romy arrived I told her that I couldn’t do it anymore. That I was in so much pain and that I wanted to push so badly! She told the nurse to check my cervix again. The nurse said “I just checked her.” To be honest I have no clue how much time passed from when I was 7 cm to that moment. But she conceded and checked my cervix. I saw shock on her face and she said “She’s 10 cm!” We all were surprised and I was SO RELIEVED! I was right there. I was going to push my baby out! The nurse then said there was still a lip on my cervix so we needed to wait a few more contractions. Romy threw some arnica in my mouth (which apparently helps with that) and told me it would be fine to start pushing anyway. 

It was GO TIME! Everyone started to get set up. They did offer me the epidural at that point and I think both Romy and I looked at them like they were insane. I was right at the end! I had made it and I knew this part would be the most rewarding. I was so ready to do this. But I could not move positions. I felt I had to stay on my back to push- which really surprised me. They dropped the end of my bed and pulled the stirrups up so k could place my feet. I had a whole team ready to help and truly felt supported in that moment. I spent 2 contractions on my side as they set up and to encourage the lip to open. I rolled on my back again, they told me to grab under my legs and push. I had been taught directed pushing but it took me a few times to really embody the downward energy to send the baby out. I screamed on the first one and they told me not to and to try and send the energy down. On that first push I felt a huge gush of warm liquid leave my body. My water had broken. Myles said that it happened right after he hit the sacral chakra signing bowl…divine timing. There was some meconium in the liquid so they called the NICU doctor down. In my head I thought that meant they were going to take her away from me which made me panic-but only for a second. I had work to do. With the next contraction I pulled my legs up, tucked my chin and pushed. 3 pushes per contraction was about the rate I could go at. I rested between with oxygen. I had to hold one of my legs up because I had a cramp in my outer hip/butt. Everyone was cheering me on and so encouraging. What was crazy to me was this didn’t even hurt. I felt the pressure of the baby’s head but no pain. I felt so relieved to be at the end of this journey. When the head started to come out they told me I could reach down and feel it. When I did, I felt a slimy pile of hair. I looked at Myles and his eyes lit up…I knew she had his dark hair. 

After about 25 minutes of pushing, her full head was out and the rest of her body just slid out. Everyone had to tell me to stop pushing because I didn’t even realize she was fully out! They placed her right on my chest and I was so relieved and happy. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Myles was at my side crying and marveling at our beautiful daughter. We were parents. The NICU doctor heard her make a sound so they kept her on my chest and tried to clear any fluid with a bulb syringe. They were waiting to hear her big cry. He rubbed her back until she let a big sound out. The doctors were still working, helping and guiding me to birth the placenta. I had some clots so the nurse pressed hard on my abdomen to try and get everything out. I was so done with the pain at that point. I wanted everyone to stop touching me but I knew it needed to happen. I tore in two places and the doctor stitched me up. I wanted it all to stop so I tried to tune it all out and focus on the baby. 

She was absolute perfection. Lennon Sky Lavallee. Born on 10/22/22 at 3:23 pm. 8 lbs 6 oz and 20.75 in long. Dark grey eyes and dark brown hair. Crimson red lips and long nails that looked like she had just had a manicure. Romy reached over and put my nipple in her mouth…she started nursing right away. Romy looked at the clock and said “Nursing within 15 min”. That made me smile. I felt very tired and shocked that I had done it. Myles and I kissed her and talked to her for the next hour or two as everyone left the room. This was the most memorable and important moment in my life. She was here. The love I felt in that moment was beyond anything I had ever felt before. 

So, I ended up with a natural birth with no pain medication, and a healthy baby. Many of my wishes came true even though things along the way did not go as planned. I feel like I was able to do this in big part because of my husband and his dedication to me throughout the birth, and my doula who I trusted so completely and was an advocate for me in the moment I needed it the most. I still cannot believe that I made it through that. Women are truly amazing. 

Photo credit to my doula, Romy Karz. Thank you a million for documenting these intimate moments! 

My top 3 tips to get out of your self-worth slump

Real talk- what makes you feel confident ??

I used to think that confidence was a REWARD for being perfect, for being thin, or for being successful. I based my self-worth on validation from others and external condition. When someone gave me a compliment on my body I would feel confident enough to wear my "skinny" dress or to go out a socialize with my head held high. BUT on the flip side, if someone put me down (and this happened often in the dance world) I would spiral into negative thoughts and destructive behavior until I could prove them wrong. 

WHO I REALLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN TRYING TO IMPRESS WAS MYSELF!

And I know this is a practice and this is WORK, but when you can cultivate inner confidence BEFORE you act, the outcome does not define you. You can step back a take different action but your SELF WORTH should not change. 

Listen to this podcast with Naked & Wandering about how I overcame disordered eating, major body image issues and started to CREATE my own life and my own confidence. 

If you resonate with this know that you are NOT ALONE! 

My top 3 tips to overcome self-worth slumps

 
1. A MAJOR tool that helps me when I feel my old habits of negative self talk slip in is meditation. I know, I know-- you have all the excuses not to- I don't have time, it doesn't work etc etc etc. WELL, when we take the time to identify our thoughts as our ego and not our true selves, it's much easier to detach from them. I suggest even 5 minutes a day. My favorite app is Insight timer BUT I have a special gift for you! Listen to this mediation below I recorded all about confidence & self worth.

Beau Campbell 2 · Confidence Mediation

2. Journaling- and I'm not talking about Dear Diary, Today I woke up etc...I mean full on morning brain DUMP. Let it all out so it doesn't simmer inside of you. When I wake up I take care of nature, feed the cats, put the coffee on, meditate while said coffee is brewing, then write in my journal while I sip my cup of joe. Sometimes its like letting the flood gates open and I have so much anxiety and emotion to work out. Half the time it's all illegible but I FEEL A HUGE WEIGHT OFF. It's as though now that I got it out- it never even existed inside of my body. TRY IT! 

3. Call a friend that is your biggest fan! You know those people that you unload on and continue to give you advice and try to solve your problem?? (To be honest my coach brain often turns on and this can be me). This is totally well intentioned- BUT you often just need that person to say- "WOW that sucks, I'm sorry. You are so wonderful and I love you...etc." So find the friend or family member that you know will say these things and have them on speed dial! And be that person for someone else! 

OK I know I said 3 but there are so many tools!

4. Get moving! Working out, walking or moving my body always helps shift my energy. Even 10 random jumping jacks, a spontaneous dance party, or a yoga class can make a tremendous shift. When I feel down it's often the last thing I want to do but it always makes me feel better. BUT don't choose something that will take you further down this hole. Choose something you know you like!!

5. MANTRAS & AFFIRMATIONS:

I am worthy.

I am more than enough.

I create my own confidence.

I am f*cking AWESOME.

Repeat these to yourself! Build yourself up. Look in the mirror and find the things you LOVE about your body, your personality and your uniqueness!

My passion is to help YOU wake up in the morning, and ask yourself what you need to shine with confidence when you walk out into the world. My courses give you these tools so you don’t feel stuck inside your own head and can honor your body and reach your potential BODY & spirit. 

If you need support I am here! Book a free call and let's chat about coaching or the YogarinaFLOW Course that is all about building confidence in your body, your movement and your LIFE!

Can creativity enhance your health ??

When I first began teaching Yogarina Flow at Festivals I would begin the workshop by asking who was an artist in the room. There were typically a handful people that would put their hands in the air. I would then ask everyone to raise their hands and acknowledge that each and every person was an artist in some way shape or form. We are all creative beings at our core even if we don’t identify with the label “artist”. This label often has a connotation that you have to be considered at a certain caliber or that you need to make money from your art form. And although I had a career in performing arts, I didn’t always feel that my creative needs were met. And this is when I realized that artistry & creativity are not just for certain talented individuals who have pursued art as a career. It is a right and I believe an essential part of life for everyone. In her book on creative living Big Magic, Liz Guilert says “If you’re alive, you’re a creative person.”

I consider creativity to be one of the values of my business but it is not just a value, it is an energy that lives in all of us. Finding inspiration and an outlet can be the difficult part.  Expectations and fear can also hold us back from creating. My thoughts often chime in when I am about to create something and the voice in my head completely crushes my confidence. The ego comes up with so many excuses that basically boil down to the fear of being rejected or the fear of failure. But innately humans want to live creatively whether it be to make a living or as a hobby. Creativity can often flow more freely when your income does not depend on it- but either way, everyone craves some type of outlet for their emotions & ideas. “Do whatever brings you to life, then. Follow your own fascinations, obsessions, and compulsions. Trust them. Create whatever causes a revolution in your heart.” (Liz Gilbert) When we create for the sake of creating, we step into the FLOW of the universe and are a part of the beauty and inspiration of all things.

Photo by Eric Ward @a4gpa

Ok, so is there any science behind this? And, what is FLOW?? I’m sure you’ve felt it- that state when you are IN IT as though time flies by and you are emerged completely in what you are doing. Being creative actives this flow state and when we create something- our brain sees this as a “result” and we are flooded with dopamine. We want more of this feel good hormone, so we become inspired to keep creating and keep moving in this state of harmony and expressiveness. Dopamine is also a natural anti-depressant so it helps reduce stress, anxiety and helps overall mental health. A compressive study by Heather L. Stuckey, DEd and Jeremy Nobel, MD, MPH called The Connection Between Art, Healing, and Public Health, found “clear indications that artistic engagement has significantly positive effects on health.” I was most intrigued by the studies using creative movement (which is at the root of Yogarina Flow and my personal artistic calling). It showed that “through the movement of mind and body in a creative way, stress and anxiety can be relieved, and other health benefits can be achieved as well. The results demonstrated expanding consciousness at midlife, with patterns of meaning identified in relationships with others, the self, and spirit as well as challenges associated with loss, illness, and threats to relationships. The consciousness activities identified were choosing, balancing, accepting, and letting go, and creative movement was shown to support self-awareness.”

I was not surprised by these findings as my own experiences support movement as medicine. Yogarina Flow was my form of creative healing after feeling very rejected in my art form and stuck in my life. Bringing dance technique and free movement on to the safe space of my yoga mat allowed me to be creative while honoring my body and connecting to truest myself. When I began to practice and teach Yogarina Flow I felt a shift in my own energy as well as students. It was so beautiful to see others transform on their mat and walk out of class with poise and confidence. I realized that providing guidance and space for others to be creative was healing for them as well. I knew this was the practice I had to share. 

YogarinaFLOW® is a dance infused yoga practice that emphasizes fluidity in transitions and personal expression. The class includes a dynamic vinyasa flow focused on finding new pathways from one pose to the next. We explore the connection between dance and yoga, blending classical elements with free movement and personal expression. With yoga as the framework, students are invited to explore creative movement in order to tap into their unique style. We all embody our experiences and need a way to work through them. When you have body knowledge and awareness you can then surrender to the expression of your subtle body. With guidance students can move through fear and insecurities to build confidence in their bodies and in their movement. Creative movement is how I heal, express joy and celebrate simply celebrate being alive. 

Photo by Eric Ward @a4gpa

Art is subjective and who really cares what anyone thinks of what you create. Fueling your inner artist with whatever activity lights you up can heal, spark inspiration and build momentum towards a FULL life. My husband pokes fun of the photos I take of all my food creations (with full out set design), but I will continue to document every beautiful avocado toast and every vibrant smoothie bowl I make—because it feeds my soul (literally and figuratively).  Liz writes…“A creative life is an amplified life. It’s a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life. Living in this manner—continually and stubbornly bringing forth the jewels that are hidden within you—is a fine art, in and of itself.”- Liz Gilbert 

Happy creating!

make a salad, pack a sandwich

The name of the game these days is meal prep. But in my house, any food that I prep is usually devoured by a hungry man with an incredibly fast metabolisim (annoying) that I call my husband. I go to sleep to a very different refrigerator than I wake up to. That being said the name of my game is cook once, eat twice. And even this can be a challenge sometimes. But I do like to spice it up and create pretty different meals with the same dish. How can I turn dinner from the night before into lunch, all while tricking my brain into thinking it's not just boring leftovers?

When my husband and I first got together, he was amazed at what I called a salad. And to this day he claims I am the salad queen. From my perspective, and especially as a plant based eater, I am going to pack a salad with lots o' sh*t. And I will try to use whatever I have in my kitchen to make my salads action packed. Oh, and make them fairly quickly- when I'm hungry, I'm hungry and I want it to happen fast! That being said a couple items that do last when I meal prep (granted I make a BIG batch) are plain grains-- usually quinoa or brown rice and certain sauces, like my tahini dipping sauce, hummus hummus or lemon vinaigrette. 

So try this salad --the chickpeas make it oh so delicious, the kale makes it super duper nutritious and the quinoa gives you a protein kick and keeps you full! Another wonderful thing about keeping salad like this overnight is that all the flavors soak in and kale tends to keep its form pretty well. I often use leftover salad for collard green wraps for hummus (karma cleanse friendly) but when I need a carb fix (or need to feed my hangry hubby) I stuff a pita pocket with salad, hummus and add tempeh for some extra punch. These are also an easy to-go option. Believe me-these were both soooo bomb! 

ENJOY!

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Salad & Pita Recipe

For Tahini Dip/Drizzle recipe click here!

For more resources follow @thekarmakleanse and check out www.beaucampbell.com/health.

pancakes for dinner?

I made these delicious gluten free, vegan pancakes for Sunday brunch the other day and was going to share with you all for the following weekend. But, who is really keeping track of the days during this quarantine anyway?? For me, keeping the weeks structured helps me stay sane, but sprinkling weekend pleasures into the week has been very special. A silver lining of all this is luxurious breakfasts any day of the week, working from home in your pajamas, and even pancakes for dinner.

So I share with you this bomb recipe, that is easy, #pandemicpantry friendly and I give you permission to make this any day, any time, and hopefully in your pajamas, no makeup on, top knot standing high ! The juice recipe is also below in case you want to pair them with a great immunity boosting juice. ENJOY!

Juice:

3 grapefruits juiced, big piece of ginger juiced- that's it!! Boosts immunity and aides digestion. BOOM ‼️

Take a picture of your beautiful pancakes, tag @thekarmacleanse #thekarmakleanse #pandemicpantry and tell me the day of the week and meal you made these for!

For more info on health programs check out www.beaucampbell.com/health.

Get full on a vegan diet sans salads & carbs

Have you ever seen your vegan friend chow down on potato chips, Oreos and sour patch kids and wondered— aren’t vegans supposed to be healthy??  But guess what, all of the food listed above are vegan along with many other fatty and processed foods. Its hard when you are first navigating vegetarianism and especially veganism to know what to cook. There are so many mock meats and vegan cheddar chips out there that are easy to grab and seemingly “healthy”.

I like the term plant based because its very clear that plants are your main source of food— like actual plants in their natural form. It implies a whole foods lifestyle rather than a packaged foods diet. "So, am I supposed to eat only raw salads?", you ask. Heck to the NO! There are plenty of options if you are following a whole foods, plant-based lifestyle that are Delicious and FILLING! You do not need to go starving to be a healthy eater.

Let’s quickly talk about calorie density. Those first foods I mentioned- potato chips, oreos and sour patch kids are all very calorie dense. Meaning that a small amount is filled with lots of calories- and calories with little nutrients. You could fill a whole table with fruits, veggies, grains and legumes that add up to the same amount of calories as a plate of those processed, nasty foods. In short- you can fill up on plant based foods at the expense of wayyyyyy less calories. Not that I want you to count calories by any means- but you get my drift. Eat more healthy foods, waste less calories. PLUS they are calories filled with nutrients you need!

Don’t get me wrong— I loooveeee salads and I fill my salad bowls with sooo much yummy shit, but I’m here to give you non-salad options. Here are some easy non-salad, without refined carbs that will fill you up tummy and soul!

1. Whole grains: brown rice, bulgar, quinoa (this is a seed but is often clumped with grains) Complex unrefined carbs keep you full longer and provide many nutrients for vegan diets. Try this stuffed pepper recipe.

2. Sweet, starchy vegetables: sweet potatoes, carrots, beets etc, especially when cooked can fill you up, provide amazing nutrients and curb your sweet tooth! I'm allll about the sweet potato! Try this sweet potato toast recipe for breaky/lunch and Mexican style stuffed sweet potatoes for dinner (guac recipe below)!

3. Vegan protein options: beans, tofu, tempeh oh my! I love a good homemade hummus to dip veggies in, slather on sweet potato toasts or collard green wraps! Tofu is also an amazing protein option and you can get pretty creative with it since it soaks up flavors so well. This tofu scramble recipe can be enjoyed breakfast, lunch & dinner. You can even add a scoop of this simple homemade hummus!

4. Healthy fats: nuts, healthy oils and avocados are a great source of fat and keep your belly happy and full! I'm terrified of going hungry so I usually carry a nut mix in my bag! Add avocado to everything obviously, or even eat it with a drizzle of olive oil and a sprinkle of sea salt. But in case you want to spice up your avocado game here is my fave guac recipe.

There you have it friends! There is such a huge spectrum of vegan foods that don't have to always be salads or refined carbs. Stay full and be happy!

If you want even more delicious recipes join Clean Slate: The Mindful Detox program for 14 days of movement. mantra & meals. Two weeks of plant based, detoxifying foods to reset your body and mind! The program come with two 50 min one on one coaching sessions to individualize meal plan and cater to YOUR specific needs!

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This fourteen day program is the perfect jump start on your journey towards optimal health. You receive a consultation session to set intentions and get clear on your goals for the cleanse and another health coaching session either mid-detox motivation or transitioning out of the detox. We work together to cater to your needs to ensure success. The PDF workbook is stocked with meal-plans, health hacks, recipes and a journal to track your progress as you go! Daily emails will keep you inspired and provide meditations, breathing and yoga practices and much more. Lose weight, get rid of toxins, and learn practices to sustain a healthy lifestyle!

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healthy holiday habits

10 tips to stay healthy during the holidays

Easy tips to staying healthy throughout all the holiday meals, parties and events!

Do you both love and dread the holiday season? For me the holidays mean a lot of family time, connecting with friends and co-workers, lots of cooking and shared meals. But this time also means attending a lot of parties and events, indulging in a lot of rich foods and often drinking a fancy egg nog cocktail or five. A thanksgiving feast may have already weighed you down and there’s still half of December left! So how do you find the  balance between enjoying yourself and staying healthy and energetic?

Click play to watch the video blog or read more below!

My top ten tips to stay healthy at a holiday party!

 1.    WATER

Drink more of it! Grab a big reusable bottle with a straw to help up your consumption. Squeeze some lemon in it to help with digestion or some apple cider vinegar (1 tablespoon) if your belly needs some extra love after some fried food or too many sweets!

2.    Apple a day

Apple a day keep the doctor away-and big binges! The key to this tip is to eat something nutritious before heading to the party. Don’t skip meals- fasting all day will lead to eating even more, and most likely more of the bad stuff. You know what I mean? When you show up hangry and basically black out and don't know what damage you did. I like the apple before because it keeps me full for a sec, is full of nutrients, curbs my sweet tooth and will be good for my digestive juices!

3.    Bring your own dish

Don't go hungry or eat something you don't want! Get your greens in a bring a vegan creamed kale or garlic greens! Click here to download a super easy greens recipe. If you are fancy the of my faves is a vegan "ceviche" with heart of palm. Here is the recipe I love!

4.    Beware of the dips

Don't dip yourself to destruction! Don't get me wrong- I'm the biggest hummus, guac and salsa fan out there. But beware of the cheesy, heavy dips. Take the time to choose a healthier dip and try to taste the flavors. See if you really like what you are eating!

5.    Stick to just one of the fancy Christmas cocktails

By all means enjoy the signature cocktail or spiked egg nog-- but switch it up after one. Maybe stick to the same spirit and add some soda water and lime or have a nice glass of vino. Just don't wake up with a huge sugar hangover after downing 5 Peppermint Schnapps Mocha Russians with rum whipped cream drinks (I pray this does not exist). Check out the hosts' choice, then make a better one. 

6.    Make one plate

When you are hungry make a full plate of food so you can see what you’re eating instead of constant snacking. Ditch the cocktail napkin with 10 baby quiches and have a meal. Then, notice when you’re full. Ask yourself- "Am I still enjoying this?" 

7.    Socialize

Engage in conversation! Get to know people at an event. Who knows? You might network or make a new friend. Plus your mouth will be busy talking rather than mindlessly snacking. 

8.   Don't stress if you slip

 If you do slip, try not to stress- this can lead to a downward spiral and create negative self-talk. "Well I already screwed up my diet so now I'll just go crazy!" Take a chill pill with that chocolate truffle. Notice how you feel and make a different choice next time. Stress does no good- plus cortisol is not your friend when it comes to keeping off the pounds!

9.    80/20 Rule

Adopt an 80/20 mindset when it comes to eating. Pack in the veggies and fruits. Really commit to Whole Foods 80 percent of the time. The other 20 be a little more lenient on yourself. When you restrict too much your mind craves the things you "aren't allowed". Allow yourself enjoyment! When you focus too much on what you can't have it becomes an obsession.

10.    SLEEP!

I cannot stress this enough! The little voice in your head may be telling you to wake up for that 6 am run but don't do it at the expense of your sleep. 7-9 hours (9 is soooo nice). Life happens but try to let your body and mind rest and recover. When we don't sleep enough our body releases hunger hormones and tells us to eat more and stop burning fat. Plus when you sleep enough your waking hours are much more productive!

Brain boost morning routine

Although the summer weather and energy is lingering—especially here in sunny California—autumn is already all around us (fall equinox is September 23rd!)—from Pumpkin spice lattes and Halloween decorations on the shelves at CVS to the breezy sweater weather. But I also feel an internal pull towards the change in season. As an air sign, the joy and freedom of summer only lends to my mind moving in every which way. People often associate air sings with air-headedness, and don’t get me wrong—I have NO sense of direction and often get lost in my thoughts. But its less about being "air-headed" and more that thoughts, issues, ideas etc are swirling around every second in my head, creating a LOT of mental chatter. So I often feel drained after the summer season and pretty ready to GROUND DOWN. Anyone feel me on this one?

So, planting seeds and stepping towards change is just what I need! Taming my wild mind with meditation and mindfulness is essential in this time of transformation. Connecting to nature through hiking, hugging trees, laying in the sand, or whatever floats your boat is a wonderful way to get grounded for the fall. I find it to be the best time to set clear intentions and move into conscious action towards these goals. Manifesting what you want for the rest of the year (make quarter four count!) . And this takes mental clarity and focus. 

The book I just finished is all about training your mind to be in alignment with your heart; Into the Magic Shop by James R. Doherty, MD. He explains his journey of learning to relax the body, quiet the mind, open the heart and essentially manifest the life you desire.  With both the power of the brain and the heart, we can step into the challenges and change our lives. A must read! check out www.intothemagicshop.com for instructions to these exercises. 

Brain Boost Morning Routine

1. Breath & Meditate— Wake up, take care of nature, then sit for 5 minutes or so to take a couple deeps breaths and set your mind right! I use the app Insight Timer for daily meditations. You can simply use the timer setting or choose a subject for a guided mediation setting.

2. Set an intention/mantra— Start your day with a powerful intention. I like to focus on one thing per week so it can really settle in. A word or sentence to repeat when I need to slow down. Whether it be “You got this!” or a more concrete goal for work, visualizing yourself in success is powerful. Focusing your mind on something will help you take action in alignment with your goals!

3. Coconut oil— I am a big fan of bulletproof but I’m dairy-free so I steer away from the butter. So, I just blend coconut oil into my coffee in the morning. The MTC oil in coconuts breaks down into Ketones that the brain can use for fuel. I find is boosts my energy in the morning. It also is great for your digestion and immune system (bc of the lauric acid). An added bonus is helping those fat-soluble vitamins in your multi-vitamin absorb !

4. Blueberries & Eggs for Breaky— Bluebs!! They are said to help your memory and eyesight. Not to mention all the antioxidants. Eggs are rich in B vitamins which are thought to help reduce brain shrinkage. So eggs don’t only keep your biceps big and strong but also your brain.

5. Brush your teeth with your left hand— Give your brain a little challenge and try to do simple activities with your non-dominant hand. This is surprisingly hard but will create new patterns in your brain and increase your neuroplasticity. This is true for any new activity! So keep trying new things to create new neural pathways!

Now you’ve powered up your brain all within the hour before leaving for work!

These tips will help you start the day right but you don’t have to stop there. Be social, try new things and act with compassion! James Doherty writes that “authentic social connection triggers the same reward centers in the brain that are triggered when people do drugs, or drink alcohol, or eat chocolate. Loneliness and isolation causes sickness”. So get out there and connect to others instead of reaching for the chocolate bar you know you keep in your purse (or is that just me ?!). Compassion affects the brain and our well-being as well. The only way to truly transform your own life, is to transform the lives of others!

Chick-a-peas are my life

Chick-a-boom!

Chick-a-peas: 2 recipes-many ways!

Hummus and vegan un-tuna baby!

Chickpeas or garbanzo beans are definitely my favorite beans in the whole world! In our house we call them chick-a-peas. I have no idea why but you can’t help smiling when you say it! Try it! These flavorful little beans are packed with vitamins and minerals and are a great source of plant-based protein (https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/other/chickpeas.html). Not to mention they are the main ingredient in hummus—which basically is life—amiright?! They also are cheap to buy organic…whether you are soaking them or going the canned route.

These two recipes are cheap, easy, and fast! Plus they can be used together and prepared several different ways—from an easy lunch prep to a more hearty at home dinner!

This first recipe is a classic hummus that you can tailor to your own taste and make it in about 5 minutes in the blender. If you are using a bullet type blender, one can of beans is the perfect amount. For family size, go for the bigger blender or food processor!

Yummus Hummus Recipe:

1 can (15 oz) organic chickpeas (drained)

2 tablespoons olive oil (organic unrefined is best)

Juice from 1 small lemon

1/4 cup Tahini (optional-if opting out, add a bit more olive oil)

Cumin (SO YUM), salt to taste

Any other nom noms you like (I add nutritional yeast for B vitamins and sometimes unflavored vegan protein powder)

Put it all together and what have you got: creamy yummy hummus. If it seems to thick as you are blending add small amounts of water. When serving top it with olive oil and paprika.

My favorite way to eat hummus is to dip you dip we dip! Raw veggies are best and I have a little secret for you! Do you cut the florets off of broccoli off then throw the stem away? Well, kick that habit and slice the stem! It’s soooo tasty with hummus and it the perfect shape for dipping !

A couple notes:

1. If you have the time to peel the skin off the beans, the hummus will come out even creamier.

2. I am not the biggest tahini fan so I leave it out! I just add a bit more oil or add some water for consistency.

3. I often add other spices or flavors in! Play around with adding roasted red pepper, garlic, olives and any other spice that you like. I often add hot sauce for a kick!

OK, so the next recipe will blow your mind. Do you miss tuna melts but not the unsafe heavy metals being absorbed into your body?? Well this vegan chickpea tuna will solve all your problems! Well just the tuna problem at least. Chick-a-boom! This recipe can be made and eaten several different ways! My husband loves a good melted sandwich version while I prefer collard green wraps! Make one big batch and each family member can choose how to prepare it!

Chick-a-boom Un-tuna Recipe:

1 can (15 0z) organic garbanzo beans (drained)

2 tablespoons veganaise

1 small pickle chopped to small squares

Juice of 1/2 a lemon

Fresh organic dill to taste

Salt, smoked paprika to taste, Bragg's all- purpose seasoning is also bomb in this recipe.

Empty the beans into a medium bowls. Add the other ingredients. Using a fork or a potato masher, mash the beans to your desired consistency. Add the other ingredients and mix together. My FAVE spice to add is the smoked paprika but feel free to add cumin and any other spice you like. I like Bragg's all purpose seasoning and I add a pinch of cayenne for a kick. Pickles of your choice, but I suggest getting fermented pickles from a local market or even experimenting with making your own. I realize this is a whole other project but the health benefits are amazing! (https://www.makesauerkraut.com/fermented-pickles/)

And there are so many ways to present your un-tuna! The easiest thing again is to dip you dip we dip. Cucumbers are great with a small layer of hummus topped with the chick-a-boom. Even tortilla chips are a good party option! If you are more of a solid meal type person try these preps:

1. Open face toast—toast organic whole grain bread, add a layer of the hummus, some arugula or other green, layer on some pickles. add the un-tuna and maybe some avocado if you are feeling fancy (which is always so splurge and add that AVO!!) maybe some mustard!

2. Collard green wraps—layer in some hummus, greens or sprouts, the chick-a-boom and wrap it up!

3. Scoop it on a simple green salad

4. Full out un-tuna melt! bread, chick-a-boom, ketchup, and vegan cheese. Field roast chao tofu creamy original is DA BEST. It tastes good (I can eat this plain BTW and I do late at night sometimes—don’t tell) and it melts!! (https://fieldroast.com/product/creamy-original-chao-slices/)

So folks, get into it! Chick-a-pea, chick-a-boom!

What’s your favorite dish to add hummus or un-tuna?? Comment below and send me your food photos!

Southwestern Adventure

A week off from work and the goal to get my car from Phoenix to Kansas City turned into another road trip adventure. Might as well make the most of a twenty plus hour drive. With the help of an awesome app I discovered (Roadtrippers) no time restriction, we were able to squeeze a lot of sights into three days. Racing the sun was our biggest challenge because once it went down, the middle of nowhere seems a lot less welcoming. I knew I wanted to see the White Sands National Monument, so we chose a route through the southern part of New Mexico-a state I had yet to visit and one that I would definitely return to (well part of it at least). But before we made it there we stopped at "The Thing". There were signs for miles advertising this rest stop and claiming that this THING was something to be seen. So we took the bait and stopped. A great place if you need gas and souvenirs- I won't say anything more :)

Sunset was approaching and we wanted a good amount of time at the White Sands, so we got on our way and made it to the national monument. Some of these photos will be auctioned off at the Artist Relief Fund at Ballet Arizona this coming Saturday!! Come support!

As the sun disappeared so did the warmth. Our next mission was to eat and find a place to sleep. I thought it would be nice to wake up near the forest and hike so my app directed me to a wonderful hotel- The Bismark Chalet Inn in Ruidoso. It was next to several other budget hotels but was the only one with character. Even a whiskey barrel sauna! We had a real fireplace and homemade muffins waiting for us in the morning! Such an adorable town-close to Lincoln National Forest and hundreds of hiking trails!

Next stop, which was my suggestion- Roswell, New Mexico. The drive was incredible-rolling hills, trees and gorgeous views. When we got closer to the town, the beauty dwindled quite a bit and so did my high hopes. In my head I envisioned a small town with an alien themed diner, just like in the CW series Roswell that I may or may-not have been obsessed with in middle school. However, it was far from it and Max Evans was no where in sight. We ate a local diner and went into some interesting stores. There was a giant scrapbook store that we got some craft supplies at. The people working were very intense and we couldn't keep our cool as the lady was telling us about this backpack with about 20 hidden pockets. The pockets were apparently for toys... Anway, we mad sour way to the alien museum and were instantly weirded out. We went through quickly and decided to leave Roswell behind. Not our fave spot but I do recommend the TV series. I made Myles watch some of it to redeem myself.

We never looked back. Onto Texas-our goal was to make it to Cadillac Ranch before sunset. A nice texan cop slowed down our travels but we were off the hook with just a warning and back on our way. During the sunset we were still driving but it was one of the most incredible things I have ever seen. Califronia and Arizona have the most breathe-taking sunsets ever but I am used to seeing the clouds and colors over the ocean or through the mountains. This was 360 degrees of flat land and every direction I looked was a different color palette. The bright florescent pinks one way, then purple pastels the other, and every shade of yellow in between. We pulled up to cadillac ranch just before this stunning scene dissolved and it became dark. Cadillac ranch is ten cadillac cars that someone buried in the ground and started to paint. People from all over come and graffiti the cars. There are inches of paint layered on each car. Pretty cool to see.

Onto our next destination-a place to sleep. We made it into Oklahoma for the night and despite my efforts to find a unique hotel nearby, we settled for a Days Inn (I won't go into detail but not a place I would recommend and very iffy service!!!). But we made the most of our night and decorated picture frames from the lovely scrapbook store in Roswell. In the morning our only goal was to find an awesome coffee shop in Oklahoma City and make the final leg of the drive to Kansas City. And that we did find- Elemental Coffee Roaters! AWESOME coffee and breakfast to finish off our trip. Can't wait for the next one!!

driving discoveries

Road trips have become one of my favorite adventures. Even just day trips to a nearby town I've never been to. Sometimes it is nice to sit still but recently I can't seem to. After growing up in southern California and living in Phoenix for eight years, it was time to finally go to Joshua Tree. Myles and I decided to take a two day, one night excursion to the national park and stay nearby in Hickville Trailer Palace (an small community of themed trailers-loctaion unknown). Upon leaving, his friend commented on the ugliness of joshua trees and all of a sudden it was my mission to convince him and myself that they were not in fact ugly and that this park was going to be amazing. I set my hopes high. Hopes which started to dwindle as we drove through twenty nine palms and were not impressed with the desolate surroundings. But we trekked on and felt better once we arrived at the trailer palace. A great little retreat with archery, a pool in the center and many more communal activities on the grounds. We did however plan this trip last minute and were forced to book the Zombie Apocalypse trailer, which would NOT have been my first choice. I'm not a fan of scary movies, or scary things in general. But it was one of the bigger accommodations and they truly committed to the design. Zombie-fied gnomes lined the path to our shack that was full of detailed zombie murals and instructions on how to survive etc.

After exploring the grounds, we headed to Pioneer Town for dinner and live music. Drinks and pool and a beautiful sunset! And back at the trailer park-making new friends, rooftop hot tub and the most gorgeous display of stars I have ever seen.

The next day was our adventure into the national park. I was ready for some Joshua Trees. And boy were there a lot of them. And i do have to admit that they are some weird looking trees, but hundreds of them together are surely impressive. And some of the rocks formations are incredible.

The trip ended on two positive notes- I still don't think Joshua Trees are ugly and we did not run into any zombies.

Farewell to Summer

Even though the fall equinox came a couple weeks ago, I've been trying to hang on to summer a bit longer. Spending this change over in Phoenix, with the beautiful weather and sun shining, helped me cling to the fancy free feeling I've had the past couple months. A magical summer of travel, new experiences, and an open mind. The last week of September I attended several yoga classes and in almost every one, the teacher spoke about the seasons changing and our lives possibly shifting. This immediately engendered a nervous feeling in my stomach and a tight sensation in my heart. Does autumn mean I have to check back into reality and possibly take myself a bit more seriously? Panicked I started to reflect on my mindset over the past few months, and how I consistently felt reassured about my decisions and why now I thought that might change. Then I realized-nope-no reality check necessary. I can take my summer state of mind into every season. Maybe the sun won't linger but I am in control of my attitude and my future. So embracing change and seeing the leaves change (here in Kansas City) I'm excited for the next couple of months. But I wanted to post my last set of summer photos from the final Wanderlust festival of the summer. In the beautiful Mont-Tremblant.

Hike and photography class with Ali!!

View from the top of the mountain.

Lakeside at Sunset

Body art by Amir for the Wanderlust Spectacular!

Posing with the lovely Chelsey Korus & Megan Stockman.

Below with MC Yogi after dancing onstage at his set!

Quixotic killing it on the main stage!

And finally a little compilation of the Wanderlust Spectacular show :)

[embed]http://http://vimeo.com/103708106[/embed]

Farewell to summer...

China in 3 days

Another airport blog post as I wait for the second leg (out of three) back to Kansas City from China. Tired but at least the long twelve hour flight is over. Still about 7 hours to go. Trying to figure out if the total travel time to and from exceeds the number of hours actually spent in China. A whirlwind, last minute trip to perform in the country's capital, Beijing, for Bvlgari's launch of their new female jewelry line, Lvcea. Quixotic received confirmation of the job a couple weeks ago, so it was an exciting challenge to create a new piece for the event- a collaboration of custom made animation, music, and choreography inspired by the diamond and ruby Lvcea watch. It was my first opportunity to be apart of this type of creative process and I'm happy to report it was a success! A beautiful culmination of art and culture. It's crazy how much time and energy goes into a four minutes piece. But the precision and synchronicity has to be spot on.

Three of us journeyed out last Sunday morning, ready for a long flight with pillows, books, snacks, and a Chinese language app on my phone (I only ended up learning hello and thank you). Four movies and three airplane meals (vegan upon request-go United!) later we were in Beijing. The airport was insane-huge and filled with people pushing to get through customs and lining up at the baggage claim with no intention of moving to let anyone through. Luckily we had an escort and driver to lead us around and get us on our way. The hotel was in the center of the city and was one of the highlights for me- spacious room with gorgeous furniture, walk in closets, claw foot bathtubs and a shower the size of a bedroom. We got hooked up. The boys had to go to the venue and load in equipment etc but I was able to workout, go for a swim in the beautiful, cabana lined pool, take a bubble bath while watching Les Miserable (there was a TV in the shower room), and pass out!

   

The first night and following morning were very foggy and rainy which apparently is odd for Beijing this time of year and definitely put a damper on any chance of exploring comfortably. In the morning I went to check out the venue, which was the Beijing Television Theater that they were pretty much re-designing into an event space with a tunnel entrance and stage. Production was still under way so I thought I would try to see some of the city. Shopping was my first stop, just at a mall near the hotel. Many of the same stores as the US but also a ton of Chinese candy shops. And many many animal statues and funny advertisements. Shopping was cut short when I started to notice people starring and pointing at me quite a bit. Blondes are not as abundant in China as they are in the US-not to mention the freckles, which were also shocking to one of the bathroom attendants who kept pointing at the "dots" on my arms and nose. I reached my threshold when a man starting yelling at me in Chinese and continued to follow me from store to store. I would stop and turn around to look at him and he would look the other way pretending that he wasn't following me. I quickly ducked into an H&M and ran to find refuge at my hotel.

After a nap, I woke up with a renewed sense of adventure and confidence and decided to leave the sanctuary of my hotel to see a little more of Beijing. The Forbidden City was close by and I felt good about heading to a spot where there would be other tourists. I trekked out toward the entrance of the city trying not to pay attention to the aggressive walkers and people starring. I made it to tiananmen square I got immediately discouraged when the attention escalated from pointing to people asking to take photos with me. I didn't make it inside the city and instead went to wait at the hotel cafe for my friends to return. Sam's cousin lives in Beijing with his wife, so we met them and they took us out for an authentic Chinese meal. We walked down a back alley off one of the main streets to a hidden gem. The restaurant was in a six hundred year old building- a quaint spot with a charming patio and tons of traditional artwork. We sat and plate after plate of food arrived at the table. There was no menu, just tons of dishes to share. And plenty of vegetarian options-broccoli, beans, hearts of palm, bok choy, salad, two mushroom dishes and jasmine sprinkled eggs. Not to mention the meat and fish that came out-thinly sliced beef, a whole fish, chicken concoctions and shrimp that had tasty little legs, according to Sam. A great evening and then off to a late night rehearsal!

Last full day in China was a busy one. We had to get up early for a traditional good luck ceremony for the event. It involved a group offering, where we each lit incense and prayed, followed by a cooked piglet being eaten by each member of the team. Luckily there was fruit on the table as well, so I avoided eating little Wilber without offending anyone. It was very interesting to see this tradition and it seemed to bring everyone together before the big show. After that we had a couple hours before dress rehearsal so we hopped in the car and tried to run to the 798 arts district to see some local flavor! Only bummer was the traffic! Beijing is a crazy crowded city and we were not expecting the back up to be as bad as it was at 10 am. It also seems as though red lights don't mean anything there. Each intersection seemed more like a cluster of cars threatening to hit each other until someone gave up and let the other person pass. I would never attempt to operate a vehicle in this city! Once we finally arrived (an hour later) we only had thirty minutes on the clock to look around. It was the speediest art tour ever. I snapped fast photos, shopped like a tasmanian devil, and quickly scanned the sidewalks for art installations and murals. I surprisingly got gifts for most of my friends and made it down about four streets to see the art. Then back in the car, traffic jam number two, hair and makeup into dress rehearsal.

Finally show time. The event kicked off and I was ready to go! Everything seemed to flow smoothly. There was a celebrity guest, a couple of speakers, then Quixotic. I was proud to be there representing and doing my thing. It was well received and successful. Champagne and celebration to follow.

One final detail that I forgot. The bathrooms here. Thank god I was warned ahead of time (thanks Tali). No tp and a bit different than we do it in America.

To California, Canada and Back

A summer of traveling but finally getting back to my home state! A California girl at heart, I hope to some day live there again. Although I was starting this trip in Northern California. Lake Tahoe to be exact- a place I oddly had never been to before. Instant happiness and comfort upon arrival. Our hotel was a but dated but felt like a cozy lodge, very friendly staff. The layout of the festival was amazing- nestled in Squaw valley, surrounded by the most majestic looking mountains. Home of the 1960 Olympics and the model for Walt Disney's thunder mountain ride, it was a destination to remember. Delicious restaurants, food vendors, and tents for yoga that complimented the scenery. Not to mention a giant pool atop the mountain.

I was full of energy on this trip waking up early for classes and stumbling upon some incredible teachers I had no idea about. A few to mention- Jill Knouse from Portland, Oregon and Tori Reynolds and Ben Rivet of GO W/ THE FLOW. Jill's classes were full of heart and her joyful spirit spread through each class- I ended up attending two of her classes over the weekend. The GO W/ THE FLOW concept uses a lopped beatbox to match the breath rhythm  of the vinyasa class-loved it!!

 

And of course another fun set of shows and teaching!

The next Wanderlust was up in Canada- Whistler to be exact. Another dreamy location-the drive alone from Vancouver to the mountain town blew my mind. It was a busy festival but I made time to explore the surroundings here since there was so much to see. Two gorgeous nearby lakes to swim and do some awesome photo shoots!

Another successful show :)

Photo shoot with Eric Ward

 

And then back to California- the south side this time! For some much needed vacation in San Diego with the boy and his family and one event in LA for Quixotic. San Diego was all about beach and fun-and despite sunscreen I definitely got a little burn because I couldn't get enough of the sun! And my boyfriend-missed him to death!

 

And finally to LA-to be a angel and see my hometown :)

 

Wanderlust Aspen

On my walk this morning I stopped by a park and started swinging. A little fair-skinned blonde girl sat next to me and told me her name was Charlotte (my mom's, my grandma's and several of my cousins' name). She was also wearing a yellow dress, which is my favorite color. It was fate. Lately I've been trying to fulfill these childlike urges, because they are just fun and why the heck not? Swinging rocks! That's what it felt like to be at Wanderlust Aspen two weeks ago. A big playground for thousands of adults to get in touch with their inner child. "Grown ups" rolling around in the grass, drinking chocolate coconut milk in the sun, learning how to crawl like animals, dancing in a Bollywood flash mob, and many other activities that you would probably not see on a daily basis. My boyfriend joined me at the festival and together we make the ultimate toddler team. Two rather tall people acting like five year olds together. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Play time. 

Me and Myles on the acro playground

Movement Artistry with the lovely Megan Stockman!

Tie dye and crazy makeup!

 Not to mention the gorgeous scenery of mountains, trees, and blue skies! The stage for the spectacular had the most spectacular view :) a backdrop of mountains and a slightly stormy sky gave a beautiful setting for the show. Another performance to remember. A special one for me as many of my phoenician friends were at the festival and my boyfriend smiling brightly in the audience.  He greeted me side stage after the bow with huge grin and a giant hug. Go team! 

Shakti Sunfire (Photo by Beau Campbell)

Megan looking fierce with the lightball

Bollywood time

(Photos by Ali Kaukas)

A fabulous festival followed by three days of road tripping! So many beautiful places in this world to see. We started the drive on Sunday and definitely made the most of our time. Leaving "colorful Colorado" to check out Utah-a state I had never ventured to before. I was shocked my the enormous red rocks and deep canyons only comparable to those of Sedona and the Grand Canyon.  Our first stop was Arches National Park. We took a scenic drive, stopped for a hike, took some pictures, and headed to the next spot.

We made it to Canyonlands National Park just in time for sunset. The rocks looked ablaze and the sky was twelve shades of pink and orange. 

 Spent the night in Moab, got up bright and early ready for another day of sights and hiking. On the road for four hours to get to the location that was on the top of the list- Antelope Canyon. Goodbye Utah, hello Arizona. It was a bit hard to see the canyon from the road and I was happy we had a tour guide as we were climbing down a ladder into a slit canyon in the desert. Truly one of the most incredible places I have ever seen. Such unique curves in the rock, smooth lines guiding you around corners, and light leaking in casting different colors of orange, red and pink on the stone. The tour guide was amazing, taking photos for each family and informing us about the history of the canyon. Only downfall was his facts about the flash floods that occur and the different snakes we might run into along our path. I was happy to stay at the back of the line as he scared them off with different bird calls. 

From Antelope to the Grand Canyon. Myles first trip and my second. Another deep canyon at sunset made the perfect closer to the day. 

About to venture on for another four hour drive to Phoenix, two tired travelers decided to shack up in Flagstaff and get some rest. The next morning, we decided to have another adventure and find a forest hike. A little change of scenery from the open desert and red rock. Always finding time for a photo shoot :) Coconino National Forest

  

Finishing off with a drive through Sedona and making it home to the kitties and a homemade dinner. 

Truly breathtaking. What a great way to put life into perspective.

"Nature always wears the colors of the spirit." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wanderlust Vermont

A couple of weeks ago I ventured out to my first experience at Wanderlust. Attending, performing, and teaching all for the first time. My eyes and heart were open wide and eager to start this new chapter in my life. Leaving a comfortable job (actually two comfortable jobs) to satisfy my seven year itch, for a freelance and hopefully free-spirited lifestyle. So far so good. Upon arrival a three days before the festival started, I met all the performers and we dove straight into rehearsals. It was already obvious how talented and passionate each individual was. And unique. And nice- a more nurturing environment than the ballet world.

So, with only only three days to put an entire show together, we worked long hours and had to focus if we wanted to make a cohesive and impactful performance. I think we succeeded. I, at least had one of the most fun performances of my career. High energy, inspiring and light-hearted.

After the opening night show, the energy of the festival only got better. Teaching a roomful of yogis open to exploring the dance world and letting go of any judgment of their own self-expression as well as the others' in the room. All I did was ask everyone to walk across the room in their own style, and I saw rolling, leaping, sliding, and just an openness to creativity. 

I never wanted to leave the Wanderlust bubble. Everyone smiling at each other, helping strangers with handstands, and overall just surrendering to happiness. Thousands of people congregating to celebrate life, courage, and camaraderie. So many individuals committed to growth and awareness. Let's take this feeling "off the mat and into the world" as Seane Corn would say. 

Megan and I performing on the Rue Boheme stage.

DJ Hyfi came to play for our set in the Lululemon D'om!

Representing Quixotic Fusion quixoticfusion.com

Hannah's set on the MainStage! Megan and I improved to her magical violin!!

SONIC meditation hike with Hannah

Playtime with Cameron Shayne and on the ski lift!

jerome is my life

Yesterday I was at a coffee shop working on a very tedious photo project and as started to hit my editing limit I began to get distracted and lose focus. Instead of working I engaged in two of my favorite activities- people watching and ease-dropping! Two men sitting next to me seemed to be having a reunion of sorts and were catching up on each others lives. It soon become obvious that one of them was passing through the city and needed advice on Phoenix must-sees and road trip stops on the way up north. His friend was laying out a pretty detailed route through the city, hitting a few Arizona gems, stopping in Jerome, Sedona and finally Flagstaff before crossing the state lines. He pointed out some great scenic routes, look out points, wineries and much more. I of course had to butt in at one point and add on to his already extensive itinerary! This conversation definitely peeked my interest and temped me to hop in my car and take a road trip of my own. Although I fought the urge, I did decide to revisit some photos I took at some of these gorgeous locations. One spot that was on the way out of Phoenix was Arcosanti, an experimental community created by architect Paolo Soleri. http://www.arcosanti.org. I recently visited another site of Soleri's called Cosanti where his famous windbells are made and sold. They pour the bronze for the bells on site and handcraft each one. These are 10,000 dollar plus bells people! Anyway, both sites are pretty amazing to see. Here are some images from Cosanti shot with a 50 mm 1.4 lens (thank you Andrew Pielage for taking me and letting me use this!! http://apizm.com)

Beautiful architecture and gorgeous detail! Worth checking out!

Another stop on the itinerary was Jerome- a historic copper mining town that is now a tourist attraction as it is the largest ghost town in America. Now is it home to several wineries, art galleries and expansive views! I posted photos from my first trip there awhile back, but went again more recently with my good friend Sarah. Having such a stunning friend at my disposal, I made her model for me and play around in the unique setting. We also got to have a bit of fun with the Jerome fire department while we were there!

And lastly, just a few black and white photos from Sedona. It's interesting to see the scenery without the gorgeous red rock but you can still get a feel for how amazing this place is. A destination worth traveling to over and over and over again! Everyone on the planet should add Sedona to their bucket lists!

And there you have it! Some Arizona travel gems.

ocean is my life

Maybe it's because the weather is so beautiful and summer seems to be rapidly approaching that I am aching to get away. Arizona weekends can feel like a sun-soaked lazy vacay but with responsibilities looming inside the house, it seems wrong to avoid cleaning, papers, work that could be done, while lounging on the patio. Why is relaxation sometimes so hard in close proximity to your home? Plus, the ocean is calling me...can't really beat that soothing sound that lets your mind escape its clutter of thoughts and worries. I have to remember that its only April and not yet summer! But I suppose I can look back on last summer in CA and look forward to the beach and new discoveries there soon! After working in San Francisco last year, my sister and I took our annual road trip down the coast to our hometown. The beach in Malibu is always gorgeous and it was fun to have Sarah come visit. Every time a new friend comes home with me, it's like rediscovering the place I grew up. I introduced her to my favorite spots and was pleasantly surprised to open my own eyes to new places.

Revisiting - All photos taken with my 35mm, no editing

The most beautiful Aven posing at Zuma

Exploring hiking in the valley with Sarah. This park was amazing. We climbed to the top of a mountain and down into a valley with a waterfall.

The next stop on our California adventure was Topanga Canyon, where my good friend Evan lives. He took us up to Eagle Rock at sunset. These are some photos at his house and beyond!

Eagle Rock

How can you beat this view with these people?!?!

BE HAPPY START HERE

post is my life

After having one of my best friends and mentors in town last week from San Francisco, I remembered a couple rolls of film that I developed and tossed aside from my time spent with him in San Francisco last summer. Robert is the director of Post:ballet in San Francisco and brings a small group of dancers from all over the US together to create, play, experiment and finally perform in a city where anything goes. He has a way of bringing out the most creative side of anyone he works with. The past three summers participating have been extremely rewarding for me and I always leave a little transformed and majorly inspired to push my own and others' boundaries. After having him in Phoenix and digging through my film, I wanted to share a little bit of the energy that the city and the people of Post:ballet bring! These are some studio shots from rehearsals I snapped on my 35 mm. Very old film and no editing.

 The Italian Stallion-Domenico Luciano

Myles Lavallee

Caroline Langner

Christian Squires- The first lady

Happy Endings- Raychel and Caroline

Cray cray Ray Ray-inside the studio and out

Double exposure of Raychel taking a break on the fire escape

The other couple rolls I found were color film that I took while out playing in the city (usually promoting the shows) and on a day trip to Napa Valley.

Christian in his Sunday best

Dolores Park on a hot (rare) Sunday

Ray Ray chillin in our apartment in the TL- probably overlooking some bust at DIVAS

Road trippin across the foggy Golden Gate Bridge, through the Muir Woods to Muir beach

And finally to Napa Valley! Beautiful and full of vino!!

And last but not least, gotta throw some of the instragrams from the summer in!

From the Erte inspired photo shoot

Ray and I doing a shoot for London Sole

Can't wait to see what Post:Ballet season 4 brings. Thanks for the inspiration Robert!!!